


Idiot.

by scarletsaber (sushibunny)



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, I'm Sorry, Love Confessions, M/M, My First Free! Fic And It's Angst, Not really though, Suffering Makoto, Takes Place In S2, What A Surprise Said No One Who Knows Me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-20
Updated: 2016-04-20
Packaged: 2018-06-03 11:12:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6608524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sushibunny/pseuds/scarletsaber
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Makoto wasn't exactly sure what had possessed him to finally confess to Haru that night.</p><p>What he was sure of in the harsh light of morning was that it had been a terrible, terrible mistake.</p><p>And that he was an idiot.</p><p>... And Haru seemed to agree.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Idiot.

_“Come on, Haru-chan! We’re going to be late! You don’t want to miss swim class do you?”_

_“Here Haru, this is your favorite flavor, right? And look! It splits so we can both have some! Isn’t that cool?”_

_“Let’s go swimming tomorrow, Haru-chan. You’d like that, right?”_

_“Hey Haru! Let’s race home, okay? It’ll be fun!”_

_“Want to come over and play the new video game I got, Haru? It’s about a dolphin, I think you’ll like it.”_

_“I don’t mind not swimming at the club anymore, Haru, really, I promise! I’m just happy to spend time with you!”_

_“You should really pay more attention in class, Haru. You can’t just copy my notes for every subject! Especially English, you know I’m terrible at that.”_

_“I really don’t think it’s healthy to eat mackerel every day, Haru. Don’t give me that look!”_

_“Sorry about Ran and Ren, Haru. Here, you can borrow one of my shirts, though it might be a bit big for you…”_

_“Still in the bath, huh. Oh, Haru-chan…”_

_“Haru~, you can’t just take off your shirt in the middle of the store! That pool is just for display!”_

_“I want to swim with you Haru- with everyone, all our friends. Don’t you want that too?”_

_“Isn’t this the cutest cat, Haru-chan? Look at her little pink nose! Do you think you can share some of your mackerel with her? …Okay, okay, sorry I asked!”_

_“Haru-chan still swims as beautifully as ever. I’m glad we joined, if only to see you swim so freely again, Haru.”_

_“What’s that, Haru? Chocolate? Oh, for me, really? T-thank you, Haru!”_

_“Haru? Are you- ah, asleep, huh? Really Haru, on the floor? You should take better care of yourself. At least let me…”_

_“We should hurry to swim practice, Haru. Don’t want to keep everyone waiting, and I know you want to get in the pool too.”_

_“Here, let me help you carry your groceries, they look heavy! Geez, Haru! How many cans of mackerel did you buy?!”_

_“Green curry? Haru… You didn’t have to… Thank you, Haru-chan.”_

_“I told you it was too cold to swim still, Haru… Here, you rest, I’ll get you some soup.”_

_“I’m glad you’re here with me, Haru-chan.”_

_“... Haru, I… I want you to know… I-”_

 

A grating buzzing noise woke Makoto, remnants of his dream floating through his still hazy mind. The harder he tried to grasp onto them, will them to take form, the faster they seemed to slip away, like sand between his fingers. All he could recall was a feeling of warmth, of happiness. And blue. The most perfect shade of blue, directed at him, filling him with an odd mix of contentment and longing. Until that feeling suddenly twisted into something hard and painful...

He frowned as he blinked his eyes open, the soft light of early morning filtering in between the gaps in his curtains as he struggled to wake up. As his eyes finally came into focus so did the last fragments of his dream, or more aptly his memories that had played out in his subconscious mind as he slept.

“Haru…”

Dreaming about Haru wasn’t an odd occurrence for Makoto; in fact, if he dreamt of people he knew, odds were that Haru would be there, since he spent more time with his best friend than any other person in his life. No, it wasn’t abnormal to dream about Haru or their past together.

But maybe it would be better if it was.

Memories of his dream mixed with memories of the night before and suddenly everything was too bright, too real. Makoto’s eyes began to burn, warm with the heat of freshly forming tears, ready to join the dried paths of salt still left on his cheeks. Reality crashed back down on him and oh, how he wished he could disappear back into his dream, where he was side by side with his best friend, his most important person, the one he lo-

Makoto shook his head, as if the motion could dislodge the thought from his mind, though he knew it wouldn’t be so easy. Sitting upright he pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes, willing the tears to remain unshed, and only partly succeeding. His hands came away wet, and he scrubbed them harshly against his sheets, wishing he could erase his actions from the last night just as easily as the salt water from his palms.

_Why?_

It was the question that continuously ran through his head, the one that consumed his thoughts. Why did he have to say something? Why didn’t he just keep ignoring it, pushing the feelings down like he had been for what seemed like forever? Why wasn’t he content with the way things were? Why did he have to change everything? Why did he have to _ruin_ everything? Why was he such an… _idiot_?

_... Haru, I… I want you to know… I-_

“No no no,” he whispered to himself, as if saying the words aloud would help block the thoughts from continuing.

It didn’t.

_You… you mean a lot to me, Haru…_

He pressed his hands back against his face, the long fingers and large palms covering the majority of his face, leaving his nose to peak out between them, allowing Makoto to draw in deep, ragged breaths as his memories replayed like a movie- the worst horror movie he had ever seen- unwanted through his mind.

_More than just as my friend- my best friend… Haru I- I think…_

A broken sob escaped his lips, jaw unclenching as he was unable to hold in the sound, eyes pricking with even more tears, ones he was unable to hold back any longer.

 _No, I_ know- _I mean… I’m sorry Haru, I really am-_

He was sorry, as hot tears slid from his tightly closed eyes, burning heated trails between his cheeks and palms. He was sorry for Haru, sorry for himself. Sorry he had said anything.

_I guess I’m just too selfish to keep it to myself any longer…_

Why? Why couldn’t he have been a better person? Why was he so selfish? Why didn’t he think of Haru before he spoke, of how his words would affect him? The ‘why’s’ were endless.

_I like you, Haru. As- as more than a friend…_

His chest felt tight, as if a hand was wrapping around his heart and squeezing, as if he was being pulled down beneath the waves again, unable to reach the surface. His breath hitched as he was forced to breath through his mouth, nose too clogged to allow more than short, rapid inhalations. Why hadn’t he just stopped there? Even that much he could have come back from, but-

_For a long time now, actually… I- no, it’s more than that. I-I love you, Haru. I think I always have…_

Makoto felt like his heart was breaking all over again. Those words, those stupid, foolish words. Why had he felt the need to say them? Because Haru had looked up at him as he walked Makoto out, the moonlight catching in Haru’s hair, his sapphire eyes bright and full of hidden depths Makoto longed to explore? Because he had felt an overwhelming surge of emotion and just couldn’t suppress it any longer? Because he felt it was finally the right time? He should have known better, should have known he wasn’t good enough, wasn’t right-

_It’s okay if you don’t feel the same-_

It wasn’t okay, oh god how it wasn’t.

_I just… had to say it… to tell you…_

Why? Why had he felt that way? He wasn’t naive, hadn’t expected a different outcome, not really. He had hoped, wished, prayed, but never expected. So why, _why_ did he feel the need to say something, to break his silent and safe yearning after all this time? Was it because high school would be ending soon? Was it because the future, _their_ future together, was so uncertain? Was it because he was no longer sure of his place in Haru’s world? Was it because he was afraid someone else would take that place? Someone with sharp teeth and an even sharper tongue, someone who brought out sides of Haru no one else- not even Makoto- could, someone who could keep up with Haru where Makoto was left in his wake? Was it because he was trying to fight against these things or was it because he had resigned himself to his fate and was trying to just move it along?

_… Haru?_

His shoulders shook as he fought to control his sobs, whimpers still escaping his lips even as he curled in on himself. His face felt like it was on fire as tears continued to fall unhindered, running down his wrists and neck, creating salty paths of shame on his skin. He sniffed in harshly every other breath as he fought to keep his running nose from adding to the mess, not needing the further humiliation.

_…_

Slowly Makoto pulled his hands from his face, shaking arms wrapping around himself in a makeshift hug instead as his mind forced him to relive the worst part of the previous night: Haru’s response.

Or lack thereof.

_… It’s okay, Haru-chan, you don’t have to say anything… I- I already knew what your answer would be. That’s why I said I was selfish, you know. Because I knew you didn’t feel the same, but I still forced my feelings on you regardless. I’m really sorry. I… I shouldn’t have. I just… No, it doesn’t matter, I- I hope you can forgive me. I’d- I would still like to be friends, Haru, if that’s okay with you. I promise I won’t ever bring it up again, you don’t have to worry! Things can be just like before, just- just forget I ever said anything, alright? I- I’m… I’m sorry, I should go, it’s really late now, huh? I’ll see you in the morning, okay? Just like always, things will be the same, you’ll see! G-goodnight, Haru!_

He forced himself to take deep, calming breaths as he tried to pull himself together again, even as the look of wide-eyed surprise on Haru’s face during his confession continued to haunt him every time he closed his eyes. Haru had been silent through the entire thing, just staring at Makoto, lips slightly parted in shock as he stood rooted on his porch. Makoto wouldn’t have minded so much, as silence was a trait as typical of Haruka as stripping in front of bodies of water. But for the first time Makoto couldn’t decipher a single thing in Haru’s eyes. For the first time his friend was unreadable to him, and the only possible explanation for his continued silence was rejection.

Makoto cringed as the memories sped up; Makoto all but running down the stone steps to his home, dashing into his house and up the stairs before anyone in his family could stop him to talk, locking himself in his room and proceeding to lose the battle with his tears, weeping into his pillow long into the night until he had finally fallen asleep, exhausted and alone.

Alone. Without Haru.

Had he lost his best friend? Would Haru avoid him now; Makoto wouldn’t blame him if he did. Or would Haru trust him when he said nothing would change?

Makoto looked over at his nightstand, reaching for his phone and checking the time through tear-blurred eyes. It was almost time for him to get up. He quickly swiped at his cheeks, pulling up the bottom of his shirt to wipe his eyes with the fabric once he realized his already wet palms were not helping his situation any. Once his vision was clear again he noticed the text message alert, the likely source of the buzzing that had pulled him from his painful dreams back into an even more painful reality. His heart clenched anew as he read the message from Rei, reminding him that that afternoon they had a joint practice over at Samezuka and could he please make sure Haruka-senpai did not make a detour to the Iwatobi school pool before they left for the train.

His fingers trembled slightly when he sent back a message acknowledging Rei’s request before he took a deep breath, bracing himself for what was sure to be a difficult day. He straightened his shirt as he rose from the bed, plastering a cheerful grin on his face before he headed to the bathroom to get ready, though the smile failed to meet his eyes.

* * *

 

A half hour later and a few forced allergy pills from his mother to help with his ‘pollen induced red eyes, you poor thing,’ Makoto found himself in front of Haru’s back door, heart beating erratically in his chest. He briefly considered leaving for school on his own, saving himself a modicum of humiliation before he realized that he would have to sit next to Haru for the next eight hours regardless. That and his promise that nothing would change, despite his ill-conceived confession. So Makoto took a deep breath and opened the door that was never locked and let himself into Haru’s home.

“... Haru, I’m here!” he called, cringing as his voice cracked slightly. _Deep breaths_ …

After a cursory glance around the downstairs, Makoto made his way up the stairs, doing his best to pretend it was the same as any other day and that nothing was different; that he hadn’t bared his soul to the person he was hopelessly in love with and had it sufficiently stomped on by that same person the night before. Or sufficiently ignored was perhaps more accurate, and maybe more painful.

“Of course he’s still in the bath,” Makoto murmured to himself as he peered into Haru’s empty bedroom. _At least that’s a good sign, right? That he hasn’t changed his habits? Maybe he really will just forget all about it._

Another deep breath and another fake smile on his face and Makoto was opening the bathroom door. “Haru, I’m coming in!”

He was both surprised and not to find Haru submerged in the bath, black hair floating in a halo around his head up towards the surface. Steeling himself, Makoto forced himself forward, each step feeling heavier than the last, like he was wading deeper into quicksand with every footstep. He slowly extended his hand when he reached the tub, clenching his jaw around his forced smile as he attempted to will his hand to stop nervously trembling. He tried not to flinch back as Haru broke the surface, gasping in air and tossing his hair like he always did. The normality of the situation began to put Makoto at ease.

Until Haru looked up at him.

Makoto’s breath caught. It was back. That look, the unreadable one from last night, though this time Haru’s eyes were narrowed instead of widened, and his mouth was set in a firm line, not opened in surprise.

“Um, good morning, Haru-ch- ah!”

His strained greeting was cut off as Haru suddenly reached up and gripped his hand, only this time instead of letting Makoto pull him up and out of the bath, Haru was the one doing the pulling.

Makoto’s left hand flew out, scrambling to brace against the side of the tub as he was yanked down to his knees, landing hard on the tile floor, backpack slamming roughly against his back from the force. “Ah, Haru, wha-?”

He was cut off again as he looked up, straight into too-close blue eyes. Blue eyes shimmering with something that Makoto thought was familiar but he couldn’t quite place, not while his mind was preoccupied with the unusually close proximity to Haru’s face. He cheeks bloomed red as he tried to pull back, but Haru’s grip tightened preventing him from escaping; if anything Makoto was dragged further, elbow pulled so it was hanging over the water, thighs flush against the outside of the tub as he was practically dragged inside it. Now Haru’s face was mere inches from his own, minty breath washing over Makoto’s face as Haru continued to stare intently into his eyes.

“... Haru? Are you… okay?” Makoto tried, unsure of what was going on and too disconsolate to hazard a guess.

Another few moments of silence stretched out before Haru answered.

“Makoto is an idiot.”

“I- what?” Makoto asked, confused before it clicked. Haru couldn’t just forget about last night, of course not. He was clearly upset Makoto was there. He probably never wanted to even _see_ Makoto ever again, let alone have Makoto pull him from the bath and walk to school with him. Makoto’s eyes darted away, looking anywhere but the boy in front of him. “I- I know, I’m sorry, Haru, I shouldn’t have come. I’m sorry, I’ll just go, I won’t bother you anymore. I- I’ll respect your wishes, Haru, and leave you alone. Ah, um the swim club, you should go, it’s a joint practice today, you know. I’ll just say I feel sick and go home. You’re a much better swimmer than I am anyway, so it’s fine if I just don’t come anymore, I don’t mind. I’ll stay a member so the club can keep running though, don’t worry. If you could, um, let go of my hand, I’ll go and-”

“ _Makoto_ is an _idiot_.” Haru repeated, words louder and harsher this time.

Makoto gave a sad smile, eyes daring to look back at blazing blue. “I’m sor-”

Haru interrupted him again, this time with his lips.

Makoto could only sit there shocked as Haru’s mouth pressed, rather impatiently, against his own. Blue eyes had slid shut and Makoto could feel his own following suit as he felt Haru’s grip on his hand relax, Haru’s hand instead sliding up his now limp arm and clutching the collar of Makoto’s shirt. They stayed like that for a few breaths, lips squeezed together but unmoving before Haru slowly pulled back and Makoto’s eyes fluttered open. There was that unknown emotion floating in Haru’s eyes again, though Makoto felt like he might have a better idea of what it was now.

“Makoto is an idiot,” Haru breathed, his exhale hot against Makoto’s lips.

“Haru~! You keep saying that!” Makoto complained softly, afraid he would break whatever was happening between them if he spoke too loudly.

“I’ll keep saying it until it isn’t true,” Haru deadpanned, earning a huff from Makoto. There was another moment of silence before Haru took a deep breath and continued. “Last night… You just… sprung that on me all of a sudden.”

Makoto felt his face drain of the extra color, the heat turning cold at Haru’s words as fear returned.

“And then you- you left. Before I had a chance to react, you just assumed… And then you were gone. Idiot.”

“Haru-?”

Haru leaned forward again, this time resting his forehead against Makoto’s, blue eyes impossibly close and impossibly bright. “I… love Makoto too,” he whispered, almost too quietly for Makoto to hear.

When the words finally registered, a bright smile spread uncontrollably across Makoto’s face, the first real one since before he had left Haru’s place the night before, one that was reflected in his eyes; and one that Haru couldn’t help but mirror, albeit much smaller. Makoto also couldn’t help how he tilted his head and captured Haru’s lips in another kiss, this one filled with joy and certainty as both moved their lips together in a newfound rhythm, breaking apart only when air became a necessity.

“Still… an idiot,” Haru panted, cheeks flushed a bright pink as his fingers curled into Makoto’s hair.

“I’m not disagreeing,” Makoto chuckled, leaning forward to peck Haru’s lips once more. This time the frantic beating of his heart was from the swell of giddy emotion he felt as he basked in the knowledge that his long-secret feelings were returned. How could he possibly have thought Haru would hate him? He truly must be an idiot- though he was still quite shocked, but very pleasantly so, that Haru felt the same as him.

Makoto sighed in contentment before he looked down, realizing his right sleeve had at some point ended up dragging through the water on its journey to Haru’s waist. “Ah! This will never dry before school…” he bemoaned, holding his sodden arm up in front of him. Suddenly something in his mind clicked and he brought up his other arm, pulling back his thankfully one dry sleeve to check the time as Haru dropped his own arms. “Oh no! Haru, we’re going to be late!”

“So?”

“Haru please!”

“Would rather stay here. With you.”

“Ah Haru~! You can’t say things like that!” Makoto exclaimed, feeling his face flush anew. “We have to go to class, come on, out of the tub!”

Haru considered his words for a moment before a mischievous glint lit his eyes. “I want a reward.”

“What? Haru, why would you get a reward? This is something you have to do everyday!”

Haru just stared, immovable.

Makoto sighed the sigh of the longsuffering. “Why are you so difficult? Fine! What do you want? Mackerel? You know we don’t have time for breakfast now.”

Haru pouted a moment before answering. “Kiss. I want a kiss.”

Makoto’s hands flew to his face, attempting to conceal the furious blush that now covered it. He could do nothing about the small squeak that escaped his mouth though. After a few seconds of gathering himself he slowly parted his fingers, looking at a far too amused Haru through the gaps. “... If we make it to school on time I’ll give you a kiss.”

Makoto didn’t know what he had been expecting, but it wasn’t to suddenly be doused with a spray of water as Haru practically bolted from the bath and off into his room, presumably to get dressed. “Ah! Haru!” he complained, standing up and attempting to blot himself dry with a towel. “I already took a shower this morning,” he grumbled, frowning at the dark spots on his uniform.

“Makoto. Hurry up.”

Makoto’s head twisted to look at the doorway, surprised to find a fully dressed Haru waiting for him, school bag in hand. “How…? Nevermind, let’s go,” he sighed, shaking his head exasperatedly.

He followed Haru down the stairs where they both slipped on their shoes before heading out. Before Haru could step outside, however, Makoto grabbed the back of his uniform, pulling him back against Makoto's chest. Haru turned his head in question only to provide Makoto the perfect angle to capture his lips in a brief and tender kiss. Makoto pulled back with a smile, pleased to see a slightly dazed look on Haru’s face.

“What was that for? I thought you said we had to get there on time first?” Haru questioned, brow raised in confusion.

“I did,” Makoto said, still smiling. “That one was for me. Just because.”

Haru paused for a moment before he turned his head away to hide his blush, though he couldn't hide the smile that spread across his lips. “Idiot.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time posting a fic about these two, so I would love any feedback you have for me :) Hope you enjoyed!


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